A Colorado Christmas, Part I

Tuesday, December 19, 2006, 1:30 pm - I check Weather.com and discover that a large storm system is headed for Colorado. It is projected to hit the Denver area just a few hours before we are supposed to be landing there. I am mildly concerned.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006, 7:50 am - I am now fairly certain that we will have some difficulty in our travel plans. I make my first attempt to contact United Airlines via the phone. My attempts are unsuccessful.

10:15 am - I learn from a United informant who speaks in broken English that Flight 1181 will be cancelled very shortly. I try to convince this informant to provide me with another flight reservation. In response, the United worker sends me to a strange land known as an "Automated Phone System." I spend the next 30 minutes trying to maneuver my way out of this region and back into the land of human beings.

10:55 am - Led to believe that someone who speaks broken English within the superstructure of United Airlines is willing to help me, I spend nearly an hour and a half in a state of inactivity referred to by the locals as being "on hold." My patience is wearing thin.

1:15 pm - A United employee tells me in broken English that my flight is cancelled, but that I have been reconfirmed for a flight on Christmas Eve. He also tells me that I have been listed as a Standby passenger for a flight the next day.

2:45 pm - A different United employee tells me in unbroken English that my flight is indeed cancelled, that I am confirmed for Sunday, but that sadly I am not listed as a Standby passenger. I grow confused at the mixed messages I am receiving.

3:10 pm - I am told by yet another United employee in broken English that there I would have better luck finding a three-legged ballerina than getting into Denver before Sunday. (Well, at least that was the idea of what he said.) This was immediately after he told me that I could fly from Columbus to Philadelphia to Denver tonight if I wanted to. I was a little curious as to why the authorities would cancel every other flight to Denver except one from Philadelphia, but the man insisted that the flight had not been cancelled and that we could get on this plane. I reluctantly agree to his plan. "What time does that first flight leave?" I inquired as both Danielle and I begin to let our hopes rise. The man replies in broken English, "It departs at 3:30 pm." This leaves us with approximately 10 minutes to get to the airport as he is telling me this. For the first time in my life, I begin to have serious doubts about the intelligence level of those working in the customer relations realm of the airline industry. Okay, it wasn't the first time. I decline the man's generous offer, and decide to make other plans. All I need now is some superglue, a box of dynamite, some tinfoil, and a rubber chicken...

More to come...
The adventure is just beginning...